Johnnie 'Michael Flatley' Ellis's manager here.
Yes, today has been another one of those "I'm wearing my trainers in bed so lets do a jig" days! This morning was quiet, peaceful and relaxed with hardly a twitch. However, it would appear that afternoons are becoming his time to 'kick off' and he does so in quite spectacular fashion. Today we had his pulse go over 120 along with a new temperature high of 39.2 - a small amount of sedation saw to his 'excitement' and he soon calmed down. And let's not forget that his blood pressure, which they'd like to try and maintain at a relatively low level, was up again....it happens everytime he starts revving up! I like to think it happens everytime I kiss him on the lips, but I can't take all the credit.
What news on the coming home front I hear you ask......?! Well, they're pretty much done with him here. They have brought him as far as they can and he now needs to begin the next phase of neuro rehab, which he can only do in a dedicated place.....which is not here.
The best option, and for me the ONLY option, is to get him home to London, into a neuro rehab ITU followed by inpatient neuro rehab care. I have spoken to Thunderbirds (International SOS) today and given my recommendations for suitable hospitals in London that they can approach to see if:
1. They have a consultant that will take him as their patient (although I have already given a consultant name that has been recommended to me by our fantastic neighbour).
2. There is a bed available.
We are currently waiting to see if there is a bed available and won't probably know until early next week.....as soon as there is a bed the rescue mission will kick in and Thunderbirds will arrange an air ambulance to airlift him to London. Once I know the date I will then try to get home before him and be in the new hospital to greet him and introduce myself to the new team that will be taking care of the man I love....they're going to be seeing A LOT of me over the coming months so they had better get used to my mug!!! That is pretty much it on the coming home front, there's really not much to tell right now, we are in yet another limbo....oh deep joy! Oh, by the way, if the bed takes a while then they have mentioned the possibility of starting his rehab in another hospital HERE in Germany. For me, this is NOT an option, I can assure you of that!!!!
Heather has been and continues to be absolutely wonderful to have around. I am incredibly grateful to her Husband and my wonderful little God Kids for loaning me their wife/Mummy.......THANK YOU CORNWALL!!!!!!
She has put up with my jibberings (making note of many which is a worry!) and has encouraged my eating of cake - not that I ever needed much encouragement on that particular subject but one has to show willing, non? Heather has, as with all previous visitors to Johnnie's bedside, been subjected to my 'emotional state' on a daily basis, one minute laughing, the next sobbing. Tonight was no exception, I have felt it bubbling under the surface all day and I very nearly let the flood gates open, however I held it together as best I could and plodded on....you have to really.
I have such worries, concerns, thoughts, fears. They are many and they are all in my head. They may not be real, they may not happen, they may be completely unrealistic and extremely silly, but that doesn't stop them being there. Do not fear dear reader, I am not 'losing it', I am merely writing it down and trying as hard as I might to gain some sort of cathartic therapy from all this mess. I know that being in England will mean familiarity and home, but it is a familiarity and home that I will be doing on my own for quite some months.
Johnnie will not be there when I get home from work in the evenings.
He won't wake up on Saturday morning and make a cuppa for us both and come back to bed with the dogs.
We won't be planning any holidays any time soon.
I won't be topping up his wine glass in the evening while we catch up on True Blood.
He might not like the window boxes I am going to prepare.
Who's going to remind him to take his pills?
Going out to friends for dinner will not be as joyous or raucous as it once was with just me - he is the effervescent one!
Cuddles.....I will miss cuddles.....and the obvious intimacy of a married couple who are very much in love.
These are just some of the hundreds of thoughts in my head right now.
Yes, I know that I can 'look forward' to all these things in the future when he recovers, but I don't want to.
I don't want this new life.
I don't want to say goodbye to our old life.
I know I have to but I DON'T WANT TO!
We had the best life, a wonderful life, a f*cking FANTASTIC life and I really do not know why we should have to start all over again because that is exactly what we are going to have to do.
It's never going to be the same again.
It can't be the same again.
I am well aware that the majority of the contents in my head are speculation, what's, ifs, buts, maybes, I know that but at the same time I must maintain a healthy respect to the fact that some things are inevitable and cannot change or be changed.
Throughout all that has happened and all that is to come, the one unchangeable thing I know is that I am very, VERY much in love with Mr John Arthur Ellis. I just hope and hope that the new Johnnie that emerges from this nightmare loves me in just the same way as the old one. I could not want for anything more.
Guten Nacht One and All.