Part of my flood gates crumbled today.
I did not plan it.
It just happened.
Unexpectedly.
I was 'working', as one does......I popped upstairs to visit a colleague and on the way I stopped off to see another colleague.
A lovely, lovely lady who is fast becoming something of a friend.
She listens.
But most importantly, she hears me.
Some people say "What's your gossip?", or "What's your news?"...my lovely colleague says "So what have you decided?".
With this, I chatted about John - something I do not do at work simply because I know what will happen!
And it happened.
I told her about the pillows.
And dealing with his wardrobe.
And how much I long for and miss him.
And about things in Germany.
And the nasty, horrid, sick nightmares that won't go away.
Next thing I know, I'm sobbing.......literally sobbing.
Uncontrollable, full on, heavy, wet, can't breath, emotional sobbing.
Since this afternoon's episode I have been and continue to feel sad.
Really down, upset, grief-stricken sad.
Gut-wrenchingly sad.
Heart-broken sad.
I cry, and cry, and cry, and cry.
Only one thing will make me feel better and I cannot have it.
I want that big hunk of love I'm in love with.
I want my Husband.
I want the Love of my Life.
I want John.
He doesn't even haunt me......if he loved me he would.
Wouldn't he?
Such raw pain. Sending love. John wouldn't haunt you to show he loves you, you know he loves you. He trusts that you don't need proof of his love, he doesn't need to tap you on the shoulder to remind you of what you had when you were physically together. Trust him in return. Jillxxxx
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