Last night I had a date with my Hubby.
We met at Penguin Beach in London Zoo.
He was there.
I know he was there.
I could feel him there.
There were also lots of people there.
We celebrated and said goodbye to my man, my incredible, wonderful, amazing Husband.
It was, as I thought it would be, emotionally painful but it was also incredibly empowering, knowing that all the people present were there for him, because of him, they loved him, they respected him, they missed him too.
There were emotional speeches from colleagues and then yours truly also said a few words.....I think I rambled.
I needed to publicly thank some really important people who were there for me and the family, and continue to be so.
At one point in the evening I ran off to the Bird House (John's zoo "home") because I wanted to be with Him, to be with his Birds, to be surrounded by Him.
It felt good.
It felt wonderful.
I was soon joined by Son No.1, and then shortly afterwards by Son No. 2.
I like to think there was an element of celestial involvement and John 'engineered' that we would all be there together, the four of us, a family again.....I miss that bit so much!
Today I am calm, calmer than I have ever felt throughout the past couple of months. Although, I also miss him the most today.
Last night was the final public act, John is 'done', he is for want of a better phrase 'laid to rest in the eyes of our family and friends'.
His physical remains will be dealt with very privately, just me and the Boys.
We have already agreed the perfect resting place.
It is Perfect.
As was my Husband....perfect.
And so, today feels like Day 1......the first day of my new, single life.
I have boarded the boat.
I am floating down the river.
Let's see where the current takes me.