Thursday, 7 June 2012

Confirmation!

This evening, I received an email from Dr. Gemsa.


To follow is her email, in it's entirety, I have not edited it at all:


Dear John McKenna!
Thank you for your email. 
It is a bit difficult for me, to find the right words in English, so please forgive me, if, what I´m trying to say, sounds weird to you. I was on the helicopter on monday, the 14th of may and only turned up on our intensiv care unit in the evening. And Robert, one of the male nurses, told me about the cerebral situation of John- he was all shattered and so was I. And I went to see him. He looked so calm and peaceful. I hoped so very much, that you would be there in time, to say Good-bye to him. 
I´m sorry, that I missed you on Tuesday, but I heard, that you and Johns sons where there to say Good-bye. I have been talking to collegues about John since then. And it´s somehow, as if John and you and his family and all his friends, who were there to be with him, left a trace in our team.  
We do experience a lot of dramatic and sad and moving situations on our ward, but somehow the whole story of John, and you, and his family and all his friends who were there for and with him, was beyond our usual experiences. 
And an impression, that I will keep in my mind is, that he must have been such a special person, and that he could count himself lucky, that he was so beloved.
The pictures of you and John are beautiful!
Would it be allright with you, if I would print your email und put it up in the kitchen on the ICU, that all the collegues, who got to know John and you, can read it? I´m sure, they would appreciate it very much.
Dear Mr. McKenna, I hope with the help of your friends and your family, you do get on somehow. All the very very best!

I am gutted.

Yes, I know it's stupid that I wanted her to email me and tell me that he was still alive and in his hospital bed in the ICU. 
Stupid that I could think that it had all been a big mistake. 
Stupid that I could think he was still alive.
Stupid that I can't take his drugs to the Pharmacy in case he might need them.
Stupid that I've ironed him some shirts for when he comes home.
Stupid that there's dry white wine in the fridge.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.



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