New Job

Tomorrow morning at approximately 9am I start my new job.

I am nervous.

Very nervous.

I haven't had a new job for almost 10 years.

I don't know anyone there.

They don't know me.

They don't know anything about me.

They don't know anything about us.

They don't know anything about John.

My Boss, the CEO I will be PA to, knows that John died last May.

No one else there knows a single, solitary thing about me.

I find myself in an odd position, mentally.

I can tell them as little or as much as I like.

I hold all the cards about John "Britain's Next Top PA 2011" McKenna.

It's almost a position of power but one I find myself feeling a little bit sad about.

In another life, my previous life, I would have gone in all guns blazing and I would tell them all about my wonderful, fabulous, incredible, intelligent, handsome Hubby.

They would hear all about our amazing life, the places we've been, the things we've done together.

They would hear A LOT more about him than they would ever hear about me!

But.....I will be me, singular.

If people ask about my previous life in London I will give morsels of information rather than a never ending tale....for now.

On 30th November 2012 my old life ended when I left The Lister Hospital in Chelsea, London.

On 1st March 2013, exactly 3 months later, my new life officially begins when I start my new job in Cornwall.

I'm not entirely sure I am mentally ready for this, but, I think this is the right time.

I have to get back into the familiar rhythm of life, for me and the dogs.
All three of us need some routine, some day to day purpose.

I am John McKenna.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I'm coming back.

Coincidentally, this track has been going round and round in my head recently.

I am well aware it's about a break up rather than the death of someone.

However, I find it very relevant to the end of my old life/the start of my new life, to the John and me of then and now.

It works both ways.

(and I sob like a girl when I listen to it!)

John was definitely the carnival that ended too soon!