Ring Out The Old

In truth, I don't want 2012 to end.

When that bell tolls midnight it means that John will have died last year, that it's a new year without John in it, a new year that he/we will never experience.
When we say goodbye to 2012 we say goodbye to John, that's how it feels in my heavy, broken heart.
I feel like I'm losing him all over again.
There will be no photographs of John in this and future new years, no memories created, no love made.
He will be just that, a loving memory.

The last 'happy' picture I took of John in 2012

I cannot exist without you

I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again

My life seems to stop there

I see no further

You have absorbed me

I have a sensation at the present moment

As though I were dissolving

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion

I have shuddered at it

I shudder no more

I could be martyred for my religion

Love is my religion

I could die for that

I could die for you

My creed is love and you are its only tenet

You have ravished me away by a power I cannot resist.

John Keats

I hope, with all of my broken heart, that 2013 is a much happier year for everyone.