For Crying Out Loud!!!

I am full of tears today.

Typing this, I am crying.

I write a letter for a job, I cry.

I take the dogs for a walk, I cry.

I go to Tesco and buy 'contraband' (sweets, chocolate, ice cream, alcohol), I cry.

I am not unhappy. Yet I cry.

I think about John, I cry.

I look at photographs of John, I cry.

It's not even 'easy' crying.

It's full-on, stomach-wobbling, throat-squeezing, breath-catching, heart-stopping sobbing.

And shaking.

Shaking and sobbing.

Sobbing and shaking.

This has been going on all day.

Now that I am moved, unpacked, settled in and my days are quiet and easy, maybe now I am going to achieve 'full meltdown'...?

Something I have not done since John died.

It definitely feels like something is coming.

There's a shift within me.

Emotionally, I feel unsteady.

Grief is tightening it's grip on my broken heart.

All I want is to be held.

By John.

The Love of my Life