All week, literally every day this week all I have been thinking about is baking chocolate muffins.
I gave myself a project, something to look forward to.
I can bake with my eyes shut.
So.....
I got up early.
I walked the dogs.
I went grocery shopping in Hell aka Sainsbury's.
I did my washing, drying and ironing.
Changed the bedding.
I hoovered the flat and tidied up the place.
And then, following a cup of perfectly brewed tea, I began baking.
I have the Hummingbird Bakery book so I used one of their recipes for the muffins, one I have never used before.
I thought I'd be all 'Rock n Roll' and try a new one.
BUT......I made a change and added way, WAY more chocolate chips than was really necessary.
They came out of the oven looking rather fantastic, if I do say so myself.
Until I tried to get them out of the silicone mould (they should have literally fallen out!!!).
They were stuck.
They fell apart.
They were 'wet'.
They were very disappointing.
Where am I going with this story I hear you ask?!
Well.....I started the day almost excited, happy in fact.
I was going to do something I loved before John died, I was going to bake.
I had ideas of taking some round to Mark and Paul's house tonight.
Perhaps the neighbours kids might like a chocolate muffin too - who wouldn't?!
But no, I find myself pissed off, disappointed, upset and not in the 'happy place' I was a few hours previous!
I feel like my week's worth of anticipation has been for nothing.
A waste of time.
Why fucking bother?!
I can't even get a bloody muffin recipe right, I had to go and change it and then fuck it up!
Things changing and not going the way you expect????
Story.
Of.
My.
Fucking.
LIFE!!!
Sing it Will......
Sing it Will......
You gotta get up and try again! Can't give up.. Don't let small things bother you coz there is so much more to life and it's brilliant and wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed by anyone who can bake. Even more so by people who do it willingly. I tried baking a few times and I follow the recipe to the letter, diligently making sure that 5g of something is never 5.01g and that temperatures are correct, and that times are adhered to.
ReplyDeleteIt stresses me out. Baking is like some weird alchemy. Put dusty sugar and solid butter into a bowl and make what now? Each time I think I should derive some pleasure from making something scrummy to share with friends and what I end up with is a small mount of dry, sugary clot with a sugary glaze on it.
However, after I've made something I try not to be too disheartened about it. A birthday cake that has two layers and is still only about 2cm tall? Well it's a cake. And it's the best cake I've learned to make so far.
It's disappointing, and I most definitely screwed it up, but stick some cream on it and it'll be fine. Or ice cream. Ice cream is good.
Who doesn't like super chocolatey muffins? Even if they're not muffin shaped.