Today, John is in my head, more so than normal.
He's all I can think about.
I am tearful and emotional.
Today, I'm afraid, is not the best day.
It is also the dogs' 3rd birthday.
John should be here.
We should be treating them, walking them, cuddling them, together.
Instead, I took Millie to the vet for her health check up (she's fine) and weigh in (she's lost half a kilo!).
To be honest, I am really struggling.
I hear people refer to me as brave or strong.
I'm not.
I'm really not.
I have no choice in any of this.
I have to do it.
I have to sort and clear and rearrange and tend the garden and clean the home and do the washing and walk/feed the dogs.....blah blah blah.....
But fuck me, I am finding it really very difficult indeed.
I am sat here, typing and crying.
I am very sad today.
As far as I know nothing has set me off, it's just simply how I feel.
I woke up ok but as the day goes on, the sadder and more emotional I am becoming.
Maybe I need a vodka?!
As Lana Del Rey would say, "I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy".
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