The Key

They don't look like much, they're just two keys.

But, these keys mean so much more to me than that.

These are keys to my new career, my new life.

Yesterday, I turned up for work and commenced chopping fruit (chicks, mice and rats are still a 'challenge' for me - it seems as I get older my stomach has become less 'tolerant').

As I was chopping, these keys were handed to me.

They are keys to the aviaries.

I am now entrusted with being able to enter any enclosure at work....on my own....without the requirement for shadowing or supervision.

This might not seem much to the average reader, but let me tell you, it means so much more.

I've only been there two weeks, 4 days in reality, but already I have been given not keys but TRUST.

From me they will always receive hard work and enthusiasm and all I require from them is trust. Trust in me to do the job, trust in me to work hard, trust in me to deliver, trust in me to do it without the need for supervision.

One thing will always make me sad - John cannot see me doing this. It really does cut me up inside that he isn't witness to this new life of mine. I am very much aware that had he not died I wouldn't have this new life (I'd rather have him than this ANY DAY!), but all the same I really honestly wish he could see how I am doing, what I am doing and where me and the dogs have come.

I have a couple of projects that I have been given and I'd love to be able to talk to him about them, get his opinion on my thoughts, get his expertise, dip into his vast knowledge.

I have his notebooks here - he took notes all the time, but they're not the same as having him, his laugh, his sarcasm.

Perhaps I should 'tap into' my zoo friends in London and chat with them about my thoughts, etc.....maybe?! 

It would probably make me feel that bit closer to my Hubby too...

Instead, I go to bed with a bird book each and every night and 'study'......

I was working next to the Toco Toucan aviary yesterday and I just wanted to stop and talk to John.

Toco Toucans will always, ALWAYS make me think of him, always....!

I haven't cried for a few days but today I am tearful. It doesn't help that I have a cough, a cold, aches and pains and I am feeling just a tad sorry for myself.

Today I miss my Hubby.

Today I need a hug from him.

Today I am a little bit sad.