I knew the time would come when I would meet someone and I would think 'maybe', 'possibly', 'should I?'.
Well that time has arrived, I have met someone.
A nice man, a gentle, kind man.
We've known each other for a few months.
He has been keen from the start and I have kept him at arm's length, unsure of my own state of mind, whether I was ready, should I do it, letting him in and then pushing him out again, etc, etc.
Yesterday I decided to 'dip my toes in the dating water' and see how it goes.
How do I feel?
Odd, very odd!
50% of me wants to embrace it and the other 50% wants to run for the hills, screaming.
I have been judging myself rather a lot, battling with rational and irrational thoughts in my head - "Is it long enough since John's death?", "What will people think of me?", "Do I want a relationship?", etc, etc.
I am going to take it calmly, quietly and slowly.
I am not going to shout about it from the rooftops, I am going to take my time.
The one thing I don't want to do (hence my originally keeping him at arm's length) is hurt him, there has been far too much hurt these past months already!
I don't want him to be my 'relationship guinea pig', but alas, that's exactly what he is, in a way.
He knows my history, he's well aware of my back story, about John, about everything.....he still wants in (the silly bugger!!!!).
We will see how it goes....time will tell....
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