There are things you go through in the first year of Loss, things that you don't really think will come back again, but obviously they do and, ultimately, always will.
Birthdays
Anniversaries
Special places
Christmas
Blah
Blah
Blah
And so it is that, once again, the spectre of Christmas looms over us.
Today, while window shopping in Truro, I got a short, sharp reminder of this.
I stood there like a loon, just staring at the cards, all of which seemed to scream HUSBAND at me.
And so I did what I always do.
I cried.
As with last year, I won't be buying or receiving a Husband Christmas card.
You get past one year and you 'file away' these little things, the things that make life that little bit less bearable.
There are things almost daily that make me think of John and bring me to the edge of tears but, as was John's way, he made Christmas, special occasions and birthdays very special, really, REALLY Special.
I made a promise to myself that after last year's horror I would 'celebrate' Christmas this year, I'll make a cake, I'll decorate this little house, I'll make a proper effort, a proper effort that involves me smiling and fondly remembering, not crying and longing for the dead (yes, I will no doubt cry!).
An effort that includes him, that allows me to feel like John, my Husband, is here with me, enjoying the festivities.
That's what I intend to try and do this year for Christmas.
John will be my Christmas Spirit this year.....I will channel him and WE will have a lovely time!
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