There is no more room for thought or word or deed.
It's jam-packed to the rafters.
I am finding it impossible to not think.
It hurts.
It stresses me.
Makes me feel 'twitchy' to the point of becoming angry or temperamental.
You see, my problem is that there is just too much going on and too much to worry about in my life right now.
The majority I simply cannot talk about because it's either personal, work related or I just haven't made up my mind about whatever it is I can't make my mind up about......make sense? Thought not!
My heart and head are very heavy at the moment.
Unbearably heavy.
There's an anvil in my chest where my heart used to be and it's weighing me down.
I really don't know how much more I can deal with.
There's certainly no more that I can 'pull out of the bag'.
It's gone.
I'm done.
I'm teary again.
Crying at the moment unexpected times.
Today I cried because a bag of vegetables in the fridge had gone off!!!
I'm also going through another form of 'loss' which is getting me down and making me unhappy - more of this in future chapters.....
My moods are up and down like the proverbial yo-yo....one minute über happy, the next über sad.
And there's my man, my love, my Husband, John.
I miss him so very much.
I talk to him more than I have done, asking questions, seeking answers, guidance and reassurance for choices I might/will want to make but am too scared to do on my own.
I can't seem to make a decision unless there is some kind of 'sign from beyond the grave'.
There haven't been any, I can assure you, so I make decisions and hope for the best, wondering if the decision I have made is the right one and would John have made the opposite decision!
I really want him to 'contact' me....I really, REALLY want him to.
I sit on the sofa, talking to the ceiling, asking John to give me a sign that he's there.
There is never a sign.
Ever.
Why would there be?!
Again, I'm back to the feeling that I'm nothing but a 'bad luck charm'.
I'm sad.
I'm very sad.
Again, I'm back to the feeling that I'm nothing but a 'bad luck charm'.
I'm sad.
I'm very sad.
Leona knows how I feel....
Sounds like you are overstressed or close to a burnout. The things you describe, the crying, the not able to deal with everything that comes your way, not able to think, all make me think of a that. I had one twice and it sounds very familiar. No one can tell you what to do, but might it not be a good idea to take some sick leave? You need rest.
ReplyDeleteYou say you can't talk about certain things right now, but these things are getting you down. It could help to talk things through with someone, maybe someone outside the circle of family and friends. Someone you trust.
Remember one thing: you are not a bad luck charm!
Lots of love
Brendan and Henk