5 Months

6 months ago on this very day, John fell ill.

5 months ago, on this very day, John died.

The loss is indescribable, not just for me but for his Sons, his family, our friends, his colleagues, everyone who came into contact with him.

For me, it has not got any easier to deal with or to accept.

I am still waiting for him to come home and for this to be a fucking awful, truly AWFUL nightmare.

Today, on this very day, I suffered the 'loss' of another wonderful Welsh man in my life.

Today, 5 months after I lost my Husband, I 'lost' my Boss.

He is leaving for pastures new at the end of the month and I am now on leave until November, so when I return to the office he will no longer be there.

Today, like a girl, I sobbed.

He has been a true rock, support and confidante during John's illness and since John's death. 

He has been AMAZING and INCREDIBLE and now he has gone.

I am left feeling another loss in my life.

I am sad.

Again.

I am crying.

Again.

2012 has been a fucker of a year.......and, to be honest, I am sick to the back teeth of all the fuckery and so I am going to do something about it.

I am exhausted.

Emotionally.

Physically.

Mentally.

I am done.

As Yoda would say......"This space you should watch"....

I will leave you with Lana.....this is beautiful.....if you can, watch the entire 10 minutes.....

"It takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it, to know what true freedom is"

Don't leave me now

Don't say goodbye

Don't turn around

Leave me high and dry