Monday, 27 August 2012

Westward Ho (Mo) !

Another 'emotional brick wall' has been broken down.

On Thursday morning me and the pups made our way to Cornwall.  
We stopped off at "Grandma's" house in Somerset for a cuppa and a sarnie and then, with Grandma, we continued our journey westwards.
We arrived in Helston some 3 hours later at my sister and brother in law's house and this is where we dropped Grandma off and when I met my new niece, Ellie......she be a little beauty!

(Notice her grin for the camera.......!!!)

I then continued my journey even further westwards to the God Children.
I'd had a bit of a cry in the car prior to arriving at Mum's house.
Getting ever closer to Marazion, the more emotional I became.
However, they now live in a different house in the village and, almost mercifully, there is no emotional attachment to their new home. 
But there is a HUGE emotional attachment to Cornwall!!!!

The last time we were here was for Easter, just before John flew to Germany and fell ill.
We arrived and I was swept up in tons of god children love and felt good to finally be there.

On Friday, the FGC's (Fairy God Children) Mum was working so I was in charge of baby sitting duties. 
As a treat and for some fun and the burning off of energy (of which they have more than enough!!!) we went to Paradise Park in Hayle so that we could 'enjoy' the Jungle Barn - think of a children's assault course with slides and swings, ball pits and such and that's basically it! 
At first there was some trepidation from yours truly, however the FGCs eventually won me over and I was shooting down slides with them!

Paradise Park is more well known for the fact that it is a Bird Gardens.......stupidly, not something that clicked with me until we arrived!!!! 
John was a Curator of Birds at London Zoo, there are birds all over our home (I am also an ex bird zoo keeper). 
Walking around the gardens I found myself fighting the urge to do one of two or sob. 
I could do neither, I had my wonderful FGCs with me and we were out to have FUN and FUN was what we were going to have and FUN is exactly what we had!

aka "HELL"

Saturday morning was not so much 'fun', I just couldn't hold it together very well and I found myself crying in the car while talking to the FGC's Mum. 
I could feel John bubbling under the surface.
I was feeling emotional about being in Cornwall without him.
Having fun without him.
Enjoying myself without him.
Just being without him.
FGC Mum to the rescue (there's a reason John loved her so much, she's WONDERFUL!!!) and it was decided that we would go surfing in the the time perhaps I didn't think of this as a great idea, however how wrong can one man be, it was the PERFECT antidote to my mood......!

We had a GREAT time, it felt good to be in the sea, to wash away the mood, to get rid of some of that emotional energy I was storing was the best afternoon with my truly amazing FGCs!
The entire weekend, apart from a couple of wobbles, was brilliant and for the most part, I smiled which is something I don't do much in London.
I am very glad I went to see the FGCs and I am looking forward to going back as soon as I possibly can.

And so on Sunday I came home.....

I have been on the edge of tears most of the time.
I came home to post regarding John's estate which I would rather not have to deal with.
I miss John so very much.
I want to show him the pictures of Cornwall that we took.
I want him to see how much Jemima and Ferdi have grown!
I want him to see the new house in Cornwall.
I want to tell him that I feel so lonely here without him.
I need to ask him questions about the garden.
I want to tell him how much I hate Sainsburys.
I want him to know that our good friends Kay and Jim got engaged yesterday (finally!!!!!).

I want him.

I have been listening to a lot of Depeche Mode recently so I will leave you with this track which now makes me think of John (it never did before!).

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