The Past Is In The Past

Today was going to be a very big day for me.

This morning, 150 ish miles away in Somerset, I was going to be interviewed for a job.

The position was PA to the CEO of ScrewFix, a national builder's/trade company, a huge company.

A good job, good money, good benefits.

A week ago today, I spent the entire day on the computer searching for jobs, emailing my CV, sending letters of application, etc, etc.

While I was doing it, in the back of my mind, there was a thought, a seed of an idea.

What if I didn't go back to London, what if I went to Yeovil in Somerset instead?

Exactly halfway between London and Cornwall, it's also where my family live.

A win, win I thought.

I changed tack, starting searching online for jobs in Yeovil, recruitment agencies, etc.....within one hour I'd had a telephone conversation and had the job interview secured and confirmed...in one hour!!

Yesterday, after another weekend of too much thinking, I decided to pull out of the interview.

Why???

I LOVE Cornwall. 

I truly, honestly love it here. 

The people are lovely, the scenery is beautiful, it's relaxing, the dogs have the best quality of life, and for me, it does exactly what I wanted it to, it helps me heal, it allows me to become me again, it restores balance where this is too often chaos.

Going to London was led more by emotions that anything else, I was trying to return to an old life that no longer exists. 
My old life died the day my handsome, wonderful Husband died quite frankly. 
I was never, ever going to be the same from that day forward, never.

Going to Yeovil was predominantly for the work prospects but also to be closer to that gorgeous little niece of mine.

However, wherever I had ended up, I would have been running away, running, running, running. 

Had I moved it would have taken only a few months and I would have wanted to move again and again and again, never settling, constantly searching for, looking for, hoping for something that resembled my old life.....

It. Does. Not. Exist. Anymore.

I have to let it go.

Friends and family can visit Cornwall and I can visit friends and family, it's really not that difficult and, although it feels like it, I'm really not that far away. 
Going to Kent last week proved that 5 hours in the car goes by very quickly when you have something wonderful to look forward to at the end of the journey!

And then there's "The Chap".

We've been dating on and off (but mostly on) since early October 2013.

How fucking selfish am I to say, yes we can date, we can go out, but I'm going to do what I want to do with my life, I'm going to go where I want, do what I want and you just have to put up with it and take it on the chin, no matter the consequences or decisions I make.

That is fucking selfish. 
SELFISH!

And so, from this day forth, the future looks like this:

Max, Millie and Me are staying in Cornwall, this is our HOME.

I will stop over-thinking everything.

I have a boyfriend, his name is Justin and he is very lovely.

I will allow myself to be happy instead of feeling guilt, guilt, GUILT.

Anything and everything else will happen, it's Life, that's what Life does, it happens.
I fully fucking intend to enjoy it and live it, here in Cornwall, with my dogs and my new boyfriend....!!!

I'm never going back, the past is in the past.