Dipping my toes in......

I knew the time would come when I would meet someone and I would think 'maybe', 'possibly', 'should I?'.

Well that time has arrived, I have met someone.

A nice man, a gentle, kind man.

We've known each other for a few months.

He has been keen from the start and I have kept him at arm's length, unsure of my own state of mind, whether I was ready, should I do it, letting him in and then pushing him out again, etc, etc.

Yesterday I decided to 'dip my toes in the dating water' and see how it goes.

How do I feel?

Odd, very odd!

50% of me wants to embrace it and the other 50% wants to run for the hills, screaming.

I have been judging myself rather a lot, battling with rational and irrational thoughts in my head - "Is it long enough since John's death?", "What will people think of me?", "Do I want a relationship?", etc, etc.

I am going to take it calmly, quietly and slowly.

I am not going to shout about it from the rooftops, I am going to take my time. 

The one thing I don't want to do (hence my originally keeping him at arm's length) is hurt him, there has been far too much hurt these past months already! 

I don't want him to be my 'relationship guinea pig', but alas, that's exactly what he is, in a way.

He knows my history, he's well aware of my back story, about John, about everything.....he still wants in (the silly bugger!!!!).

We will see how it goes....time will tell....