Hello,
This is London calling!
What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours.....
Wonderful friends Sharon and Alan met me at Stansted and brought me home to the flat. The marvellous Kay and Jim were here with Paul our neighbour to greet me. The dogs were ÜBER excited to see me.....as I was them, but also gut wrenchingly unhappy that I arrived alone. It was a sleepless night, however the pups kept me company and gave the best cuddles.
This morning has been spent in a bit of a "I just don't know what to do with myself" mood (Dusty Springfield eat your heart out!!!).
I have started the washing.
I've walked the dogs and I am starting to go through all of our post.
It doesn't feel like home at all.
I am trying to motivate myself.
I don't want to.
I don't want to do anything really.
I want to sit and sob but it won't come now I'm here.
I want to scream and shout but I don't want to upset the dogs (or neighbours!!).
I want to tidy the garden but I worry its not how John would want it (yes, I know this is stupid!).
I want to get on a plane.
I want my Husband so badly, it really does hurt, my head and heart hurt.
This is pretty much how its going to be here now for some time. Just me and the dogs plodding on and getting used to the flat being that bit emptier and less full of life, particularly because John IS the life of this home and our relationship.....he is the glue that holds me and us together. But, it's now my turn to be strong and be the one that holds us together, to bring him home. I will do it, its just going to take rather a lot of adjustment and I am sure there will be a few wobblers from yours truly.....I'm not good with my own company. At. All.
I know I said there would be no more updates, but now that I've done so many I can't stop......I think I need them now. The daily updates will stop eventually, however I will continue to update all of you as and when there is something to tell you about Johnnie and his recovery. I got the call yesterday informing me that he still doesn't have a bed and that they will check again tomorrow for Monday......again I must cross my fingers. At least once he is home I can start thinking a bit more 'normally' as it were. Him being in Germany is killing me.
Also, to rub salt in an already festering wound, my mobile does not work. I can receive calls and texts, I just can't make calls or send texts. Apparently my bill is astronomical and so they have 'locked' my phone or anything outgoing!!!!! I've tried to sort it out and they emailed me their complaint procedure.....helpful!! So, please bear in mind that I cannot respond (at the moment) to any text messages and I cannot call you from my mobile. I have the house phone and John's mobile in an emergency until this mess is sorted out.
I've attached a picture of John that I took yesterday so that you can see how well he's looking, let's hope the handsome bugger is in Lewisham next week.
I'm off to mow the "lawn"......
Much love
John & John
xxxxxxxxxxx
(I'm not publishing the above mentioned picture.....it's not appropriate now)
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