A Christmas Message

The Queen has one so why can't I?!

I read out the following words at John's funeral and, for me, they are the most appropriate message I can give at this 'difficult time'. 

They speak of him, they speak of his love and lust for life and they speak of his never ending enjoyment of his life.

The message within them is a simple one.

LIVE YOUR LIFE, live it as though it will end tomorrow. 

Live it, Love it, Enjoy it!

So here they are, the words I spoke the day I had to accept that my Husband wasn't coming home. 

Ever.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you all how very wrong this feels, that we are here at my Husband’s funeral. 

I need to tell you all that I am also very sorry for your loss. 

I can’t help but think that this sort of thing just does not happen to John Ellis.....in my mind he was and will always be immortal, invincible. As eldest son Henry would say, he’s a Legend! We can all count ourselves so extremely lucky to have known him and to have been a part of his incredible life.

On 9th November 2002, John and I became boyfriends. 

We met via a Singles Night in The Yard pub in Soho a couple of weeks before. John didn’t want to go and was, luckily for me, encouraged to go by a good friend. I was only there because, bizarrely, I offered to drive someone who was rather keen on John....I sort of had a boyfriend already. 

When people arrived at the pub they were handed a nut and bolt that did not fit, the idea being that you found your nut or bolt. 

Our nuts and bolts matched immediately. 

We both knew almost straight away that something special was happening and apart from his work commitments, we hardly spent a day apart from that day on. 

When we met we promised each other 40 years of love and devotion, however in reality we were together a total of 3,477 days or just over 9 years and 6 months. 

It feels like we’d only just got going....

It didn’t matter who you were. 

Man, woman, child, straight or gay. 

The minute you met John, the moment you heard his booming greeting, you were ensnared, captured, cocooned within his Johnnie Bear Hug love of and lust for life. 

You instantly fell in love with him, it was impossible not to. I was lucky enough to get the best kind of love from him....it’s not every day you meet, fall in love with and marry the Love of Your Life. 

For me, John was perfect. 

Absolutely, completely and utterly perfect.

The most important ingredients in John’s life were laughter, joy, fun and a whole lorry load of booze...preferably G&T and a dry white wine - it was Pimms in the Summer and a tot or 3 of Grouse in the Winter. 

An Ellis tradition is Christmas Tea, basically a cup of tea with a large glug of Whisky in it. Although in our house, Christmas Tea seemed to last from late October to early February!

With drink came fabulous feasts. He was a seriously accomplished cook (I wanted him to enter Master Chef but he never would). Our dinner parties were always something for him to plan, to get excited about, he would spend evenings pouring through our library of cookery books for just the right recipes. 

His roast dinners with a simple light reduction have gone down in history and I am sure would be coveted by Saint Delia herself!

Being in his life was like being on a life enhancing drug. Whenever you were with him it was perfect, magical, always fun and most definitely naughty....you were always left wanting more. 

I could definitely do with a John Ellis fix right now!

No one had a real name, they were far too serious and were instantly filed away, indeed I was only ever called John if I was in serious trouble and he was majorly pissed off with me! Instead, being a dedicated follower of John you were given a suitable moniker - and, to name but a few, we have The Dark Empress, Lady Scott, Kelly-Marie, Habbers, WPVC, The Forton-Holeys, Bella, Muffin, Princess Mingeeta and my own personal favourite, Nackers.

John was incandescent with life and made sure that he and everyone around him enjoyed it generously and to the full. Even with a sometimes crippling arthritic condition, of which he never ever complained in the almost 10 years we were together, he hobbled on....mostly to the nearest bottle of wine which he claimed was medicinal, but he still hobbled! 

Whether hobbling or healthy, life was an adventure to be had, indeed our holidays were never holidays, they were always adventures. I will never, ever forget our time in India, Mexico, South Africa, a mad weekend in Stockholm, our honeymoon in Malaysia or the incredibly wonderful time we spent in Nepal. 

My most special travel memory is being whisked off to the Swiss Alps in the depths of winter where he proposed to me in approximately 3 feet of snow!

He was and will always be so very proud of his sons, Henry and James - they are both so very him and I see so much of him in them, most definitely chips off the old block. 

Being their D2, I will always be there for them as John would have been. However, I am not him and will never replace him, but through each other the Boys and I will always, always remember him and hold him deep within our hearts - he will live on. 

I just hope I do him and the Boys proud.

I remember once going through a particularly tough time and John looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his and said to me, “Don’t worry darling, there is light at the end of the tunnel, it’s me with a bloody big torch.” 

Well, that light has now gone from my world and it’s very dark, sad and a shadow of it’s former self. 

However, this was always the Johnnie Ellis way, seeing the positive, overcoming the negative and turning sadness into happiness. 

He was constantly effervescently jovial!

As a surprise in the very early years of our relationship  I took John to see Barbra Streisand in concert and she sang a song called What Are You Doing The Rest Of Your Life. John instantly fell in love with it and decided there and then that it was to be ‘our song’. 

Later on in life, it would become the ‘first dance’ at our Civil Ceremony on 15th August 2009 and so I think it only fitting that I finish with the words to ‘our song’:

What are you doing the rest of your life?

North and South and East and West of your life?

I have only one request of your life

That you spend it all with me.

All the seasons and the times of your days.

All the nickels and the dimes of your days.

Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days.

All begin and end with me.

I want to see your face in every kind of light,

In fields of dawn and forests of the night;

And when you stand before the candles on a cake.

Let me be the one to hear the silent wish you make.

Those tomorrows waiting deep in your eyes

In the world of love you keep in your eyes,

I'll awaken what's asleep in your eyes,

It may take a kiss or two

Through all of my life

Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall of my life,

All I ever will recall of my life

Is all of my life with you.

Now go and pour a HUGE Ellis Family Christmas Tea and think of my wonderful, incredible, PERFECT Husband!

Merry Christmas from Max, Millie and Me

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